Executive Presence isn't a thing

So my take is that executive presence isn't a thing.

What people are pointing to is actually better understood as the absence of things. The absence of things that get in the way of being respect-worthy, trust-worthy, and of moving forward to get things done together in a complex environment.

The absence of blaming

Even when we're holding each other to account, we're not pointing fingers in order to pick people apart. So stop being obsessed with who is right or wrong, digging up I told you so, and bad mouthing people.

The absence of avoiding

Avoiding conversations that are uncomfortable or inconvenient. So stop changing the subject when things get tense, taking this offline, and ignoring the large grey animals roaming the room.

The absence of being dogmatic

Not having one fixed view of how things must be. So stop pretending to absolutely know what will or wont work, refusing to entertain alternative perspectives, and declaring that disagreement must be stupidity.

The absence of placating

People pleasing - saying things that other people want to hear because we want to be liked or not disliked - doesn't please anyone. So stop nodding along to bad ideas, taking the easy road in conversations so as to not cause a fuss, and saying yes when you mean no.

The absence of posturing

Posturing is orientating so much around how we're seen that that becomes the main thing we're doing protecting our image. So stop polishing yourself for every interaction, needing to be seen as the hero, and name dropping your greatness.

Maybe posturing is worst of all - because a lot of effort put into "executive presence" is posturing. This isn't just irrelevant to the real work we hope to do, it actively undermines it by putting a facade between us and the situation and the people.

People can see that we are trying to look good and it doesnt look good.

The presence of presence

If you want to have a kind of presence that gets things done and is trustworthy and builds relationships, the main work is to strip away these toxic defensive behaviours that get in the way of showing up and doing good work.

You can have any personality type, any aesthetic, any background, and any level of experience. It's about expressing your perspective while allowing other perspectives to co-exist. Communicating ideas, assessments, feelings, preferences and intentions directly and with humility. It isn't flashy - it sounds like: “the way I see it is…”, “what do you think?”, “I agree”, “I disagree”, ”I'm not sure”, “I can see where you are coming from but my take is....”.

Presence is persuasive, tactful, curious, assertive, empathic - but without ever reaching for those adjectives - instead we do our best to disarm some of those defensive tendancies that get in the way. We try to notice when we are taking a stance that is defensive - when we are blaming, or placating, or being dogmatic, or avoiding or posturing. And noticing these things we can remind ourselves that they wont help us. This isn't a quick fix. It takes a lifetime.

But slowly we are freed up to respond to the situation at hand. Asking given what I care about, what does this situation need from me?

The best executives do that.

R